Chapter 3
Winds of change
I had finally found a place to rest, rejuvenate and recover from what seemed to be a harrowing experience. I had found meditation, and meditation became my Holy Grail of sanity; it allowed a space between my thoughts and fears that was calm and serene. It was through this time in my life that I found devotion, and I devoted some time each day to meditation.
One morning as I entered my daily meditation, I found myself in some kind of vision. Well I thought it was a vision, until I realised that I was actually in the reality of where I was, as though I had been propelled into a different time and space. When I looked around I saw that I was at a funeral, and while everyone was sitting down, I was walking towards the coffin. It was then that I realised I had no control. I tried to stop myself but I couldn’t, my body just kept walking. Then I heard within my mind, two people talking to me, “It will be alright, we want to show you something.” I felt the presence of two people, one on either side of me walking with me, yet I couldn’t see them. It was then that I tried to bring myself out of the meditation and found that I was deeper than I realised. It took a lot of will power before I finally jolted back into the room, on my chair in my lounge room. Needless to say, I stopped meditating from that moment, but my deep insatiable pull for peace of mind eventually pulled me back to meditation.
During my break from meditation, I began to look at my fears and how they control my life. I realised that many times in my life I have stopped myself from growing, changing and venturing out, all because of fear. I decided to go back into the meditation and find out why I was at that funeral, so I sat and breathed and within a short while I was once again at that funeral walking towards the coffin. I was also aware of the two people with me, yet this time I felt comforted and safe with them; even though I never knew who they were, or whether they were spirit or guidance. We walked towards the coffin and as I felt my fear rising within, I also heard the voices say to me, “you have to see what is real.” I was afraid to see who would be lying in that coffin, I kept thinking, no, not another person dying, please no. Suddenly I was thrust forward and saw who was in the coffin; it was me lying in that coffin.
I felt relieved, but also confused. Then the voice within spoke to me “there is never anything to fear, as everything is you, and it is always you that you fear, always you that you hide from and always you that you run away from.” Suddenly I was out of the meditation, and sitting back in my room. I began to laugh out loud and then cry, I was laughing and crying as I could feel something shifting inside of me. I couldn’t help wondering what this experience was for, and as soon as I thought this, the voice within spoke, “there is nothing to fear but your own fear, created through your own mind.” It was then that I saw the truth, that when my mind is peaceful I am peaceful, and when my mind is full of thoughts, fears and doubts then my life begins to resemble that.
I never stayed away from meditation again, it actually had the opposite effect on me; I wanted to see more, understand more and experience more through a peaceful mind. Life in general started to change, I felt more open, calm and in control of my life. Finally I was accepting my experiences of spirit contacting me after someone dies. This helped the stages of grief, but truly the ultimate for anyone who is left behind, including myself, would be to have the tangible solid appearance once more.
I still craved this, but deep inside I knew that it was not a possibility in this reality, actually not in any reality, as the body is no longer. The part of them that was solid and of form and touchable, breathable and felt through all sensory perception was no more. This was the sadness that I was still experiencing and I know that if it wasn’t for my experiences of spirit being present and the voice within, then I may not have dealt with the grief so easily.
Life Death and The Birth of Truth: A Medium’s Communication with the Other Side