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The truth about myself

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Lately I have been reaching in deeper and deeper into the core of my own reality.  Some of the things which I have found are not what I would like to openly admit to.  But nevertheless, they are part of me.  The more I want to search to find out the truth about myself and my actions in this lifetime, the easier the grasping becomes.  Everything which I hear is another deeper reflection than that which I crossed even six months ago.

Each day there is always a thought or a sentence spoken, which stirs up this insatiable knowledge and if I may, wisdom, which is a part of me.  I then search the corresponding path within myself which I can recognise of the self, the all that is within my system.  I have now stepped on a deeper path which I know shall lead me to even deeper and darker moments of this self, this person I have become.  I sometimes wonder where all this is leading me to.  But then remember that it is not leading me anywhere which I have not been before.  I have seen the good and the bad side of myself, but I never knew that both were in me at all times.  We all have what we need, at whatever moment it is needed.  More and more I am beginning to understand why I could not just see bad in people who were at that time bad.  I have realised that I was always seeing everything that everyone has and will always be.

I am learning also the deeper meaning of many of the words which I have used on others to understand with.  Some of these words are trust, detach, surrender, time and illusions.  My path is now set and I find myself repeating lessons over many years.  Every time I get to the same lesson, the meaning to it gets deeper and I find it easier to grasp.  Part of the self, still has to be faced and fade away, just like they always do.  Every stage and every layer brings more acceptances in life in general.  More letting go of the conditionings which my life has put on me.  This peace that this brings enables me to allow the real magic to begin.

Getting here has been a long hard slog but more and more now I have moments when I just cry for happiness at what I have been shown or realised.  The openness that I have experienced lately has had great magnitude for how I will become.  One thing that amazes me is I have only really begun to touch the depth of this iceberg, this great cataclysm which is life. 

I now am only starting to feel the shape of this great journey which is still submerged within the depths of my consciousness.  To know that the rough edges are still above me, yet I have an excitement which to me is so childlike at times yet at other times so anxious.

Now more than ever I am taking on the thought of allowing this great iceberg to float through my consciousness and not grasping or holding onto it.  To just allow whatever happens to just be. Too much grasping or holding to one area can cause the iceberg of my consciousness to start to melt and slip away from me, causing it to overflow the emotions in my system.

 I have learned that when you hold on to something can cause more emotions to flow than is necessary, but to allow things to leave our lives in due course is to not hold on, this then enables it to come back to you eventually with love and openness. 

What we let go of will always come back, but with more depth and more openness than we originally started with.  Accepting everything which comes to me is a very special lesson in my life.  For everything has its importance at the time it is perceived. 

These experiences eventually become the tools which I use throughout my life.
Blessings from Jonah September 1998©


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