I have just had an amazing journey to India, seeing all the spiritual sites, people and Ashrams that my teachings have come from, and now back home life feels very surreal, was I even there, connecting, feeling and allowing my entire being to drop into my lineage, my teachings. Since arriving home nothing seems to fulfil me, there is no need to be anywhere, go anywhere or do anything. Guidance has shown me this feeling is likened to falling down the Rabbit hole, remembering the movie "Down the Rabbit Hole" I can relate deeper to its meaning now. Right now I am feeling disoriented, and a part of me wants to climb back up to the reality that I know so well, yet another part of me is satisfied, content, and literally having no movement or urge to change this moment.

As I sit and drop I can see the choices that life brings into my awareness, yet I am not reaching, wanting or needing to step into any of them. There truly are no words to describe this place, I try, but no words can reach the truth of what I am feeling.

I could say I am peaceful, yet peace is not it, I can say I am content, yet contentment still is not it. I am feeling like everything from my existence before India has been stripped away, that I am beginning my life now as a new babe, no experience is connecting me with old patterns and reactions. My body has been suffering since I got home, and is slowly picking up now. A friend from India told me that my body is suffering because my Soul has de-cluttered. It has let go of all my old attachments and energies that have been stored away from past experiences.


Now as I mend and open my eyes in my new burrow, I realise that my senses are acute again, everything is like the first sensation, my smell, has been so strong and so many smells have made me nauseous until I get use to them again, my sound is sharp and clearly hearing the world and the voice within, and my taste well nothing is tasting the same and it is as though I am trying to find something new to appease my palate, because I am not knowing what it is I want to eat.

As the days move along I begin to slowly venture out and realise that there are many holes to burrow and each one is woven within the matrix of my entire being, nothing lasts and yet  it is within the no-thing the nothing place where everything exists and where everything is experienced through.

My adventure to India has shown me that now is the only moment and in this moment the entire universe resides just waiting to be connected into the fabric of the matrix, the fabric that makes up the burrows that we weave.

Caroline Byrd 2010 ©