To trust; this word trust has much character but unfortunately not everybody knows how to use this word in the meaning in which it was intended.
This word has depth; it goes so deep within the core of you, and many are afraid to use it in the way that it was meant to be used.
So what is this word anyway! This word of character; to trust is to let go!
To let go of all the past conditionings, which have made you unsure of trusting? To trust is also to open up, to open up parts of yourself which you have not wanted to acknowledge to other people, and most importantly not wanting to acknowledge to yourself.
Lately I have been reaching in deeper and deeper into the core of my own reality. Some of the things which I have found are not what I would like to openly admit to. But nevertheless, they are part of me. The more I want to search to find out the truth about myself and my actions in this lifetime, the easier the grasping becomes. Everything which I hear is another deeper reflection than that which I crossed even six months ago.
Channelling
Each day there is always a thought or a sentence spoken, which stirs up this insatiable knowledge and if I may, wisdom, which is a part of me. I then search the corresponding path within myself which I can recognise of the self, the all that is within my system. I have now stepped on a deeper path which I know shall lead me to even deeper and darker moments of this self, this person I have become. I sometimes wonder where all this is leading me to. But then remember that it is not leading me anywhere which I have not been before. I have seen the good and the bad side of myself, but I never knew that both were in me at all times. We all have what we need, at whatever moment it is needed. More and more I am beginning to understand why I could not just see bad in people who were at that time bad. I have realised that I was always seeing everything that everyone has and will always be.
To let go of control and live, to totally allow the will of God to move through your life, this can feel so terrifying; it's terrifying because you have no control. The meaning there is nothing to do really hits home.
I have sat today just surrendering and being in my life, and by the afternoon an anxious feeling came over me, the feeling that I have to do something; I'm bored, there's nothing to do.
These thoughts made me very agitated, then I realised that I spend most of my days at home doing what I have done today. So what is different about today, the only difference was I surrendered to control.
Social structures; these are actually a form of limitation which we put on ourselves and on everybody else.
In other words it is actually certain sayings by which we describe people and ourselves; such as we are richer or poorer, or better or worse off.
These are very limiting concepts; because of these social structures, we seem to think that to be rich is to be materially rich, or to be poor is of the material or outer poorness.
What about the richness inside of ourselves? Often we think within ourselves; that to be rich within, means we cannot be rich outside of ourselves, another limiting reaction to society.
There are always people and situations that will test your strengths and weaknesses on your journey of discovering who you really are. These moments will often feel like a lifetime.
You can feel unloved or unworthy; you can find yourself in such negative thoughts that you believe that what is happening outside of yourself is real. This is the point of what is often called depression, being down or in a rut. If we allow this to control who we believe we are then we slip further and further away from the truth of who we really are.
These feelings can be so overwhelming we cannot see a way out. It seems easier to be that which we are feeling, to see anything else is to really have to look at who we are. Not many of us are willing to take this step to see who we are. Many times I have been at the point of this low and many times I have dwelled in the low and thought that there was no way out.