For so long these words have been statements that move through the mind, yet the understanding has eluded me for many years. The mind knew what the meanings of these words are, yet the experience became a knowing.

As the years have passed the depth of experience grew and there have been moments of touching the tip of this transcending Duality. How hard it is to leave the mind behind, the mind has been all that I understood in this life of words. In every way imaginable trying to reach this point has been arduous, even trying to just be, and allow thoughts to rise up in the mind were not the depth needed.

The knowing became so clear that I must leave the mind to find this place, which has nothing to do with mind! To go beyond the mind as the observer was easy and felt right; In my quiet times the observer in me understood quite strongly that the mind was not who I am.

Many moments went by of just watching and being as the observer. This being became who I am, and then I realized that the thoughts were still created from a part of me. They were tainted with my every feeling even those that were not recognizable to me at the moment of watching.

Is there really any such thing as inner peace?

Well who knows, and like many, I have personally tried to search for inner peace. Where to begin? Where to look? What is inner peace?

If I really stopped long enough I would find my inner peace and guess what?  It has nothing to do with searching in the world. Inner peace has been experienced in meditation, sitting high on a beautiful mountain overlooking the mist and eagles gliding high!  This inner peace felt real, yet it was still found while trying to do something in the world to experience inner peace. 

Closing myself off in my room would also reveal my inner peace, how to keep inner peace flowing for long periods would be my challenge! My life has been without a lot of distractions as in children and lots of household duties over the past 8 years, so for me to reach my peace was easy. There was no-one around while I was at home to distract me! Yet as I ventured into relationships and work, my inner peace would be distracted and even shattered at times. So at these moments I would pray to be by myself again to feel my peace, yes relief would be felt as I dropped back into my peace by myself!

So many searches into this word, so many moments of breath taking experiences, so much so that in the end it becomes too much and the elusive word Enlightenment disappears. This has been my search, the search and identification with enlightenment. Over many years a part of me has tried to make myself grow and change and become a better person, a better lover a better human being. The years have passed by and each year another search began and another concept grasped. And in the end the mind has become a well trodden wanderer, it has wandered all over spiritual words and meanings and doings.

There have been many ah-ha moments and for those moments it felt as though enlightenment was within my grasp. Then just as I was about to grab hold of the all time truth, my life would take a tumble and reality would slap me back in the face. Then the physical world that I was living, would need my attention, so I would have to step out of finding enlightenment and step back into the world of form.